By Daren Many
HOUSTON — After spending the past several days in Texas I’m confident the human race can now start contemplating a colony on the surface of the sun.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Don’t be ridiculous, Daren. Texas is not as hot as the sun. Don’t be dramatic.
Well, my response is this: You’re wrong. It’s at least 14 times as hot as the sun. There’s absolutely no reason to be outside in the state of Texas unless having your ass catch on fire is something you’ve always wondered about.
As if standing outside motionless is not bad enough I went ahead and put on a ski suit that resembled a puma at the Houston Astros game. This was to be a very special day indeed.
We had an all-access interview with The Little Pumas. If you’re not familiar with these guys, read on.
They’re the loyal supporters of Astros first baseman Lance “Big Puma” Berkman. Lance used to have the nickname “Fat Elvis,” but that’s a story for another day. The Little Pumas show their loyalty by not only attending all 81 home games at Minute Maid Park, but they dress up like pumas and chant their way through all nine innings.
I was not aware that I would actually have the honor of being a Little Puma until after we interviewed the guys outside the ball park.
“We have an extra outfit if you’re interested,” said Bubba, one of the founders of this fan club.
“You mean you want me to dress up like a cat on a 100-degree day and root for a team that I’ve never rooted for before?” I anxiously replied. “Where do I sign?”
So began my game in Houston. I put the suit on right away and asked an elderly lady who had just taken a picture with us to zip me up in the back. It’s only the second time in my life a woman has zipped the back of a puma outfit up for me. The other time was 10 minutes later when the same old woman saw me going into the game and noticed I had somehow come unzipped again. She had a look of pity on her face as she repeated the same procedure she had done only a short time before.
Once inside the stadium we ran to the outfield porch to stake our claim. We would never leave this spot for the rest of the evening. I thank my body for sparing me the embarrassment of having to go to the bathroom. See, the only way to get out of this thing is to once again unzip from the back (see above paragraph). I’ll leave the visual of me struggling in the bathroom up to you.
As a Little Puma you’re allowed to enjoy a minor bit of celebrity at the game. We sometimes get some odd looks at games because of our camera. It pales in comparison to the amount of people who looked my way this day.
We took pictures with no fewer than 50 people. Oddly enough, we weren’t the only spectacle at the game. Right next to us sat another famous Astros fan club, Los Caballitos. This is Carlos Lee’s fan club and they were out in full force with sombreros, stick horses, and their own chants. Don’t think that the clubs compete like some version of the Jets and Sharks from Westside Story, though. Both groups get along well and play off of each other the whole game.
Photo Courtesy Of Los Caballitos.
Being a Little Puma takes some attentiveness. You don’t just sit there and drink beer like Troy and I do at most games. Every time Lance Berkman comes to bat you will see and hear this routine at an Astros game.
Step 1: Put on foam paw that says “Big Puma.”
Step 2: Stand up on the cement step under the railing to get the full body extension.
Step 3: Cheer frantically after Berkman is announced over the P.A.
Step 4: Wave your paw in a fluid up and down motion while you chant. “PUMA, PUMA, PUMA, PUMA. Note: This is usually only done on a hitter’s count, such as 2-1 or 3-0. Bubba will let you know.
Step 5: More cheering if Big Puma gets a hit or cursing when he gets an out.
Step 6: Lose voice.
While this chant is going on you could swear you’re the only ones making noise in the entire stadium. It’s unbelievable, and I want to hear what it sounds like someday from across the outfield.
One other routine that I enjoyed almost as much as the puma chant is calling out the Astros outfielders’ names. On every Astros pitching change the outfielders congregate to talk about things I can’t even imagine, such as buying Lamborghinis, taking one-night stands to Bermuda on private jets, or taking baths in bottles of Evian.
As Hunter Pence, Carlos Lee, and Darin Erstad came together we chanted their names over and over and over again until they acknowledged us. Watching Darin Erstad reluctantly wave his glove our way out of sheer annoyance made me extremely happy. We got all three outfielders to give us a wave of the cap or mitt.
I couldn’t have felt more a part of this great group. They treated me like I was one of them even though I was a complete stranger. The Little Pumas were founded this season and these guys are going to keep getting bigger if my day with them was any indication
The fans love these guys, which includes several smoking-hot woman that wanted pictures with us. Girls, if you see these guys at the game you need to hand your numbers out. They’re good guys and, no, that they didn’t tell me to say that.
Watch out Troy! They want your beer! Photo Courtesy of NOMIK.
After the game we marched into the nearest bar for a couple of well-earned drinks. Of course we got a round of applause as we walked in, cheap beers, and many more pictures with curious fans. We even did another puma chant. I reluctantly gave back my sweaty puma suit at the end of the night and we said our goodbyes. Luckily I got to keep my foam paw and the next time I’m in Houston I’m bringing it with me. PUMA, PUMA, PUMA!
As I write this we are on the road again heading farther west and closer to home. Texas has been good to us and I want to take the time to say thank you once again to Bubba, Kevin, Nathan, and Wes for showing us an Astros game the right way.
Thanks to Rich and Laurie for putting us up in Austin for three relaxing days. Just when we thought our BaseCrawl had normalized a little Rich, Laurie, Jim, and Sylvia took us to see a million and a half bats fly out from under a bridge in downtown Austin. That’s only normal if your name is Bruce Wayne.
Also, a big thank you to Shirley “The Cookie Lady” Kost and her husband Cal for welcoming us into their home, making us cookies, and sharing their experiences with us before the Rangers game. More to come on that subject later.
It’s on to Phoenix and the final chapter of BaseCrawl.
Mets: We lost our second straight tonight and have fallen from first to third in two days. It’s going to be a foot race to the end. Tug McGraw said it best. Ya Gotta Believe!
(There’s more on this and our other adventures at BaseCrawl.com.)
Stories From America's Base Path 